Create social media content, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

Sure, being free from the binds of ‘office hours’ and working from the comfort of  freshly pressed sheets may be perks that many covet from their cubicles, but while they’re safely guarded by a company-wide ban on social media, they’re also blissfully unaware of the madness that prevails on these platforms.

Yep, the crazy is strong on the social front. Turns out, it’s a land populated with ardent psychopaths, loathesome trolls and a great deal of people who appear to have very little to occupy their time. If the world is losing the war on stupid, social media is the frontline on which the battle is being waged.

From competition-holics (the VERY worst) to serial complainers, wannabe influencers to know-it-alls, every kind of mental disorder is well represented and on full display out on the social battlefield, and it’s up to community managers to navigate these charming personalities without causing any type of unnecessary PR fall-out.

A challenging task indeed, but one that certainly keeps life interesting.

Here are a few of our favourite social media ‘personalities’, whose incorrigible psychosis is to thank for our ongoing employment. So here’s to you, you raging lunatics. We secretly love you.


  1. The abusive complainer

While your frequent and most dramatic use of expletives is nothing short of astounding, you won’t be getting any form of resolution here. If you’re going to be an asshole, nobody is going to help you. Not us, not the customer service team, not anyone. Ever.


  1. The Specialist

Don’t you just love it when random strays suddenly feel that they’re eligible to assess the latest technological breakthrough in product development? We’re sure your degree in fine art more than qualifies you to comment on the latest chocolate conching methods. Take a seat.

  1. The model

Curse the person who came up with the term ‘influencer’. So you’ve built an army of 500 Instagram followers and reckon you’re ready to make your big break. Power to those who aspire to be more – but for now, you cannot sit with us. Do not slide into our DMs, and do not send nudes. We’re serious.


  1. The freebie seeker

We know you love the brand, and we do too. We’ve batted our lashes many a time, and what do we have to show for it? Nothing. You see, these items are not simply picked off trees and lovingly packaged without any cost. Materials need to be purchased, and people need to be paid (you know, people like us). So no, you get nothing.


  1. The cheapskate

Premium comes at a price, buddy. You see those trainers that just dropped? Yeah, it actually took time, effort and research to make them. Shocking, we know. If you’d rather purchase something cheaper, that is entirely your prerogative. Enjoy that 10km run in your knock-off trainers, but when your ankles give in – and trust us, they will – we’ll see how much your feet are really worth.


  1. The photographer

These guys are our best. So your phone upgrade has finally come around and you’ve kitted yourself out with latest smartphone, featuring a fancy camera – nice! However, did it not occur to you that the pictures we are currently posting daily must have been captured by something? Like, suppose, a camera? Hard pass. But thanks for playing.


Oh. Solutions, you ask? There are none. Just keeping sipping on strong coffee (or tequila), keep a stash of treats nearby, and take many screenshots so that you can laugh at them with your colleagues later. Good luck comrades, the struggle is real!